October 08, 2003 - 1:45 a.m.
(Ed steps to podium in front of a crowded auditorium, every audience member leaning forward in complete silence to hear the news. Ed looks down and reads:)
Arnold Schwarzenegger is the governor of California.
(looks up, clears throat, cleans eyeglasses, unplugs ears, looks back down at sheet:)
Arnold Schwarzenegger is the governor of California.
(shakes head, furrows brow, still doesn't believe his own words:)
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER IS THE GOVERNOR OF CALIFORNIA.
(weeps, tears sheet in two)
Arnold Schwarzenegger, the man who appeared in films such as "Terminator," "Terminator 2: Judgement Day," and "Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines" is now back for a fourth epic feature film --- "Terminator 4: Being Governor of the most Economically Important State in the Country and Not Having a Clue How To Do It." Should be a good flick.
Arnold doesn't make sense. He's Ronald Reagan all over again -- a talking head who can deliver a message well without having to know what that message is.
Public radio makes sense. It informs, educates, and then goes off the air around midnight, when all the reasonable people who listen to it already are fast asleep.
The little plastic thingy on the end of your shoelace makes sense. How else would you get your lace through the little hole?
Libraries make sense: the one place on Earth dedicated to the advancement of knowledge plus a little peace and quiet.
But Arnold, Arnold makes no sense. He's brash, he's goofy and according to some reports, he's hands-on -- and not in the political bumper sticker way. More in the actress' rear fender kind of way.
If you're in California tonight, lace up your shoes, put on public radio, and drive the wacky, recall-tarnished streets to your nearest library, emerging only when the governor's term is up, or when he's safely prevented John Connor's death at the hands of evil robot drones from the future.
Whichever comes first.
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