May 15, 2004 - 12:55 a.m.
I went back and read some of my old entries... things from freshman year, when MSU was still a new (and scary) place to me.
My, how things have changed.
My "friend, Bryan" is now my "roommate, Bryan." We've lived together for three years, and he moves out in July. He'll be a band director in the fall and is getting married in March. There's a Joe in there somewhere, too -- a smart man who helped me to survive math and a roommate who, somehow, maintains the same hours I do.
My "roommate, P.J.," from freshman year, is thinking about law school and graduated last week. I haven't talked to him since I moved out freshman year, but I ran into his girlfriend last semester. Same girlfriend. Different P.J., apparently.
The Spartan Marching Band that caused me so much anxiety and the people who brought me so much happiness in the midst of that anxiety are, mostly, a memory. I talk to so few of them anymore, although one invited me to his wedding next month.
And remember that newspaper job I wasn't quite sure I'd get? Turns out that whole thing worked out pretty well.
In four years, I've gone from wearing my world on my sleeve to being a fairly private person. I share my emotions with a select few now, if I get emotional at all. I don't cry at the drop of a hat, I can take a little yelling at, classes aren't any big thing and not only have I learned my way around MSU, but around East Lansing, Lansing, Okemos, Haslett, Williamston, Webberville, Stockbridge and Chelsea.
I'll always consider 336 Chestnut Street in Wyandotte to be "home," but to my friends, I refer to it as "my parents' house." I've got my own place now. Pay my own bills. Put fires in my own fireplace, stock my own refrigerator (sometimes), cook my own meals (when I'm home) and vacuum my own living room. I even feed my own fish. Her name is Connie Chung.
My friends are getting married, having babies, earning degrees and finding professional jobs.
When someone walks into The State News and they want to see the "adult in charge," they're talking about me. When someone in the Wyandotte Marching Band is told to go talk to an adult about something, they might come to me.
I have a friend I always considered myself a mentor to. He's much younger than I, he came to me for advice a lot, and he trusted a lot of personal things with me. Now he's as much my mentor as I am his. He'll be a minister when he graduates from college. Matt, the geeky 13-year-old trombone player who had trouble keeping his horn angle right at band camp, is fast on his way to becoming the Rev. Matt. He called me a couple weeks ago to see how I was doing after a few stressful days at work. I used to do that to him with school.
When I was little, Jon Guest and I used to play "guns." We'd run around the neighborhood, pretending to shoot at each other. We'd go over to one another's houses, and spend the night, staying up until 1 a.m. --- which was really late then, thank you very much --- to play "Duck Tales" on Nintendo. Just Nintendo. Not "Super" or "64" or that cube-shaped one. Last week, we went out for a beer. Shannon McKenney and Eric Timmons, who also used to play with us in the neighborhood came to the bar, too.
I have dinner with all sorts of people now --- friends my age, friends twice my age. I can joke around with the president of my university. I can call the director of my school by her first name. I don't need hall passes anymore. I'm not accountable to anyone but myself.
It's not so daunting any more. I used to dread moving out of Wyandotte, but in a month, I'm going to begin a job search that will include applications for work in Connecticut, Washington, D.C., Portland, Phoenix, Wisconsin, Illinois, Oklahoma, Virginia and parts of Michigan much farther from Downriver than East Lansing.
No one does my dishes anymore. The food doesn't just materialize in the cabinet. It's up to me now, and it's kind of liberating.
During my freshman year of college, all I wanted was to be a senior in high school again. I don't feel that way anymore, but I do miss home. I met some great people at MSU, who will be in my life forever, but so will the ones I met at RHS, or in Wyandotte.
I guess reading all those back entries made me realize how much has happened in the last four years, how far I've come, how far everyone else around me has come, and how lucky I've been.
Life is good. No, it's great.
And now I'm going to sleep. I don't have to, because no one will make me, but I'm gonna. Just you watch.
This is great.
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